we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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