I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
