i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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