im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
