is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
