whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
