At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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