Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
