I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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