i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
