Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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