I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
