I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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