Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
