I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
