she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
smell my finger.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
