Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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