never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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