just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
