I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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