i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he's single and there are thong briefs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize