his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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