I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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