Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
