I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
