Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
