my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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