No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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