happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
