Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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