i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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