he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
BRING THE BAGELS
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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