so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
