drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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