I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
