So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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