he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
