I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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