I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
