dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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