All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
