I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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