i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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