I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
