dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
