I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
