can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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