I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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