you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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