Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
