So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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