Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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