Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't deserve a penis
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
