The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
