Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
