I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
