just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize