oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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