The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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