fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
