Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize