My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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