ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize