so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
