Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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