So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
