You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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