in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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