chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
