I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
