Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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