after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
